This one has come up a lot of late with clients, but applies to us all.
Regardless of how much money you have in the bank, the quality of your relationships, the size of your (add your own word here ;-)), etc. this is applicable to us all.
The Myth
Have you ever thought, that someone ‘over there’ has it all figured out. Or has the perfect life. Or is free of PAIN, struggles and challenges. Or is SO different to you. Or has no money issues.This is a myth.
In my experience and observation – NO ONE has got it all figured out, all the time. NO ONE. Not one person I have met, spoken to, worked with, read about, observed, etc.
So don’t buy into the MYTH that someone or everyone else has it all figured out and you don’t.
That is point number 1.
The Reality
Are you ready for this?
Everyone does stupid stuff. Everyone has weaknesses. Everyone has parts of themselves and their lives that are a bit of a mess. That they don’t like. Everyone has doubts. Everyone has fears. Everyone struggles with something.
Point number 2: you are not alone.
Here is just a small list of dumb stuff I have done or my weaknesses (to put this into perspective):
1. I was sh_t scared leading up to a presentation I gave at the end of last year
2. I have doubts about the future
3. I offend people (sorry if it was you ;-))
4. I have made shocking relationship decisions
5. I lost 1/2 of my life’s savings by bad decisions on the share market
6. I entered into a shocking business partnership even when my guts said “RUN!!!!”
7. I have failed miserably at a number of business strategies (and still do)
8. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I could fill pages, but then I might be a blithering wreck and unable to finish this newsletter. The other thing for me is I like to think I learn from these events so I only make them 2 to 3 times again. 😉
We all do dumb stuff. You are not alone. So stop beating yourself up. Just call me and we can compare dumb sh_t that we have both done and then you are bound to feel much better.
When we talk about a high level of fitness, one of the gauges is how quickly you recover. When your fitness level is high, you quickly return to homeostasis after physical exertion.The same with emotional fitness. You want to recover quickly.It is ok to feel bad (for a bit) after you do something silly. Feel the emotions. Let them wash through you and out the other end. But as quickly as you can, bring PERSPECTIVE to the situation. You might be able to do that yourself, or you might need to speak with someone so you can hear the antidote to shame, which is “me too”. Hearing from someone that they too did something stupid, made a really poor relationship choice, was too gutless to take a great opportunity, etc, will bring your situation into perspective.
Point #3: Get perspective yourself (if you can) or speak to an empathetic friend to help you get grounded. And if you can’t find a friend I can almost guarantee you that I can trump you on doing stupid stuff. I dare you to try and beat me. 😉The BIG Summary
Most of the pain we feel in life is SELF-INFLICTED.
Get perspective. No-one else has all their ‘stuff’ sorted out. The human experience is messy.
You are not alone. Don’t hold any shame in. It will affect you mentally, emotionally and physically. Find the right person – be it a friend, colleague or professional – to help you release it. There is definitely no shame in asking for help and in fact it is one of the reasons there are more than just you on the planet. Life is meant to be a shared experience.
Feeling better? I hope so. Welcome to 2015. It will have laughs, tears, pain, pleasure, ups, downs, sideways, and everything in between. When we accept that (and that you are not the only person on planet earth), it doesn’t seem so scary after all.
Got questions or comments? You know how to find me. Also feel free to help me to share these Tips with others, by forwarding them to your friends and family, since we could all do with reminders, support and useful tips along the way.