This post might save you an inordinate amount of pain in your butt.
And who wouldn’t want a bit less of that?
You know I am big on decision-making, and how it shapes our reality.
I also have a lot of experience in the decision-making space, having not only written a book on it (Decision Making Mastery), but also having attended one of top leadership academies in the world (Royal Military College, Duntroon), was an Army Officer for 14 years, did consulting on bomb management to a bunch of Olympic Games, and been coaching for over 15 years.
I am not tooting my trumpet.
I just want to let you know I have some experience in the topic of decision-making, and how not to suck at it.
Sucking at it, is something I find is pretty common (unfortunately).
And the consequences are significant and make peoples lives much harder than they need to be.
I have also paid extra attention to a blind-spot playing out in a number (most) of my clients of late.
And because I am super curious, I am now even more clear about what the issue is.
Which is something you will DEFINITELY benefit from.
So let’s walk through the process.
Making a great decision (the first part)
I will keep it pretty brief here.
In order to make a high quality decision you benefit greatly from being calm, grounded, stable and “plugged-in” to your inner knowing.
When you step back, get centred and really tap into your inner wisdom, you have the potential to make some AWESOMELY great decisions.
And when done well, you will also hear in the background – if you listen closely – the sound of a choir of angels singing, to let you know that you nailed it!
You have aligned yourself, and your decision, with the source energy of the universe.
And it just feels “right”.
Plus it feels really good (deliciously so).
That is step 1…the short version.
Now let’s see where it goes from Angels singing, to conversations with lizards and barking dogs.
Yes, you read that right, and now read on to understand WTF I am on about.
Where most people mess it up
Now we get to the VERY COMMON pitfall.
Where most people tank, or lose their momentum and their wonderful potential outcome.
It is essentially this:
When they start to action on their hallelujah-infused universe applauded decision, they mistakenly confuse not feeling good with “I must have made the wrong decision in the first place”.
Oh no!!!!
And thus begins the undoing and downward spiral.
Let’s look a little deeper at what actually happened and draw on some of the great work of neuroscientist – Dr Joe Dispenza.
Here is what actually happened.
When someone makes a great decision, which usually entails a significant transition (think ending a relationship, ending a job, moving states or overseas, starting a business, etc.) they are VERY VERY likely to step into the UNKNOWN and UNFAMILIAR.
As a result they will undoubtedly experience FEELINGS which are UNKNOWN and UNFAMILIAR.
They are also likely to interpret those unfamiliar feelings as not good, or bad, or the “have-I-made-a-mistake” feeling.
So they start to question the original decision (which the angels already endorsed!!).
This is followed by second guessing.
Flip-flopping.
Sending off emails or messages to try and stop the process they started (i.e. the ending of the relationship or the big move).
Which is likely to create more mess, or more pain by staying a lot longer than is healthy, or wasting more energy trying to get something back, which is not of benefit or value.
The amount of people I see cycle through this process – great decision followed by action followed by fear, flip-flopping, doubt, retreat and confusion – is way too many.
Let that not be you by showing you how to avoid this.
The remedy and solution (which you put you in the top 5% Club!)
Once you make a great decision – using your higher mind or frontal cortex of your brain – which is endorsed by your own inner knowing and wise soul (and the Angelic choir), own it in the very fabric of your being.
Might I also suggest you write it down while it is still warm, and specify all of the great reasons why it is a must for you.
(This step is supremely handy if or when you start the doubt game).
Next…and this is the most important part of this whole post…
KNOW that when you take action, and step into the unknown (which usually means disentangling yourself from a whole bunch of messy stuff e.g. leaving a relationship) you will, with 100% certainty, feel DISCOMFORT.
This may show up as fear, doubts, anxiety, second-guessing, etc..
This is NORMAL and not a sign you made the wrong decision in the first place.
What is actually occurring is the lower, protective part of the brain is very very fearful of the unknown and unfamiliar, so it sends lots of signals, stories, images, “What-ifs”, etc. into your conscious awareness.
DO NOT take this static electricity at face-value or literally.
It is like the mid-brain (mammalian) and lower-brain (reptilian) going into a survival mode panic and trying to take charge.
Think of it as a dog (mammal) and a lizard (reptile) trying to tell you (human) what is best for your life, and how to execute the best strategic plan.
Absurd. Don’t buy into what they are offering up.
Also don’t “review” your original decision if you are looking through the eyes of a dog or lizard (i.e. in survival mode).
Only review your original decision through the calm, curious, centred, grounded, plugged into “source” and creative part of your upper / higher mind.
I have represented this process in my diagram below so feel free to download and share…
My Parting words
The key message is this:
Your feelings (especially the survival ones not generated by a physical threat) and the thoughts generated by them, are not necessarily valuable or intelligent feedback that you made a “bad” decision.
Obviously it is essential to make the best possible decision in the first place.
And do get help for Step 1 if you are unsure or lack the skillset.
It is worth reiterating:
Discomfort does not ‘automatically’ mean something is wrong or you did something wrong, it might just mean you are doing something new and unfamiliar.
Also the quality of your thinking while in a survival emotional state is very different from the quality of thinking while in an elevated emotional state.
Calm is what you want to aim for.
And finally…welcome now to the Top 5% of Decision Makers, shakers, movers and groovers!! 🙂
Have a super awesome day and I will see you next week.
Take care,
Carl
