Relationships have a pretty big impact on the quality of our lives.
I suspect you might agree with me on that one.
And a relationship, which is healthy and harmonious, is a beautiful soothing balm for our mental health.
It seems when the relationships in our lives are going well, life is SO much easier.
Alternatively, when they are a bit wobbly, life can sort of suck.
One of my favourite strategies still remains knowing The 5 Love Languages and APPLYING the strategy in your relationships, but I want to share another with you.
This was reiterated with me the other day in a coaching session.
My client is great at dealing with stuff in his professional life, but a bit wobbly at times when it comes to relationships (aren’t we all).
And in this case, there is a good reason why…
How to succeed at work
I shared with my client a typical work scenario.
You have an important meeting, about a slightly complex (i.e. not 100% clear) subject, of which there are significant consequences if you screw things up.
So what do you do?
You do the prep work.
You compile notes.
You figure out what assumptions you have, what facts you have, and all the information on hand.
And you prepare all of your talking points and key outcomes you want to achieve from the meeting.
You might even do some sort of rehearsal.
In summary, you go into the meeting PREPARED.
Which equals, a higher likelihood of success.
How (some people) enter important conversations with their intimate partner
I know you can see where this is going.
What commonly happens is someone shows up for a high-consequence conversation with their intimate partner, having given little constructive thought to the outcome they want, their side of the story, the facts, the assumptions, what they feel or don’t feel and what they are intuiting or not.
They also might show up tired, dehydrated and hangry, and have the conversation in a very inappropriate location.
Like a car park, or the Mall, or some other highly distracting location.
So…little to no plan; low energy; crappy meeting space; unclear objectives or outcome…
What could possibly go wrong?
I find a lot of my clients who are so awesome professionally, and do things at work with a high level of thoughtfulness, planning and expertise; think they are going to get equally high outcomes through conversations in their relationship, by choosing to WING IT.
Fat chance!
That strategy is best used for choosing Lotto (or Powerball) numbers.
The Main Point
For the really important conversations in your relationship (with high consequences), do these things:
- Prepare yourself physically.
- Prepare yourself mentally.
- Get clear of your talking points and desired outcomes (and feel free to write notes, so if you get emotionally triggered you can still stay on track).
- Get clear of the facts, and any assumptions, as you understand them.
- Where possible choose the environment which might be best for the conversation (i.e. a beach walk, or sitting in a park, or in the most relaxing space in your house).
DON’T WING THE IMPORTANT STUFF WHEN IT COMES TO HIGH-CONSEQUENCE CONVERSATIONS IN AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.
My Parting words
There won’t be many.
Don’t WING IT when it comes to important conversations with your intimate partner.
Just like you don’t wing the big stuff at work, because you know it might lead to a screw up; don’t wing it at home with your heart.
Remember: Prior Preparation and Planning Prevents a Piss Poor Performance (the 7 P’s).
Value your relationships enough to invest in the work.
And be conscious of getting too complacent with your relationship.
The right relationship, with the right person, and regularly nurtured, is such a beautiful thing.
It makes a happy heart.
Plus a happy life.
Have a day where you put as much into your relationships as you do into your ‘work’ and reap the benefits (plus tell your partner they can thank me for your upgraded performance!).
See you next week.
Take care,
Carl
