Last week I shared 3 simple things I encouraged you to do, or to take action on in 2025.
Today, I am going to suggest three (3) “simple” things that you could STOP doing this year (and week), which would make a significant course correction in your general feeling of well-being.
I have tried to find three of the most impactful things, but also 3 things that are actually not that hard to do.
They certainly won’t cost you much, except a little extra attention and consciousness.
They are also quite easy to do, but that unfortunately means they are also EASY NOT TO DO.
Doh!!!
However, I know you are committed to doing the things that make your life more joyful, easeful, and less hard, so I know you are on board.
Here goes.
Thing to STOP doing #1: Shoulding all over the place
This really is very simple.
Remove “should” from your vocabulary.
Don’t say “should”.
Ever.
The reason being that every time you say “should” you are removing your own autonomy (and sense of control over your life) and delivering it to an intangible “they or them” who are outside of yourself, but now are granted a sense of authority over you.
When you say “I should…” the decision is consequently taken out of your hands and handed over to “they”.
Or more accurately, offered up by YOU to some mythical thing outside of yourself, that now has power over your decisions.
That’s crazy.
Instead of saying “I should”, replace it with “I CHOOSE…”.
The control is now back in your hands, and leaves you feeling more empowered.
A lot of times “shoulding” leads to RESENTMENT, because you end up doing something you do not actually want to do.
Now you can still CHOOSE to do something you don’t want to do – for a variety of reasons – but at least YOU are controlling whether you do or don’t, as opposed to something or someone outside of yourself stealing your power.
Thing to STOP doing #2: Exaggerating
This seems harmless enough.
Why does it really matter if you stretch the truth just a little, if no real harm is done?
Let me tell you why.
It can become a HABIT.
Again, why the big deal?
Yeah, it is fine if you are just pimping up your story by adding an extra zero onto the number of people you beat in that exam, or to the amount of money you made on that deal, or to sensationalize some ‘fact’ you are sprouting, but there is a downside.
And it is significant.
If you exaggerate NEGATIVE events, you also exaggerate (i.e. you increase) the NEGATIVE emotion you will feel.
Hands up if you think it is a fun experience to increase – knowingly or unknowingly – the intensity of negative emotions?
No way!
I don’t know about you, but I like dialing down the negative emotional intensity stuff, where possible.
Some general ways we exaggerate is saying things that ‘imply’ that something is much worse than it is (catastrophizing), happens with much greater frequency than it actually does, cannot be mitigated (no matter what we do), happens 100% of the time (e.g. “always”), is unique to you (among 8 billion other people), has never been dealt with by another human in history, etc..
The alternative is to stick to good-old-boring “REALITY“.
Plus if you need to problem solve, starting with reality is going to lead to a much more aligned and impactful solution.
Thing to STOP doing #3: Caring too much about what other people think
This suggestion was inspired by a quote I read the other day by James Clear – the author of Atomic Habits.
It went like this:
“Caring about everything is a disaster. Caring about nothing is also a disaster. Nurture the small pocket of things that truly matter to you.”
This a great lead into the topic of “caring”.
Caring too much is not the ideal, and caring too little is also not the ideal.
We need to care a bunch – about the stuff that really matters – and care a lot less about the stuff that doesn’t.
And one of the specific things we would benefit from doing a lot less of when it comes to ‘caring‘, is caring TOO much about what other people think of us and our choices.
The reality is this: No one is actually walking in your shoes (apart from you).
People can try and ‘imagine’ or ‘assume’ or ‘guess’ what it is like to walk in your shoes, and then interact with you according to their made-up-stuff, but they are unlikely to know with 100% certainty why you are doing what you are doing.
If people tell you what their thoughts are in relation to what you are doing, but it is based on “a guess” (according to their personal ‘worldview’), then it also makes sense that you don’t have to take what they are saying too seriously.
In my experience, caring too much, is one of the main things holding people back from living a life of their choosing (and with a lot less stress).
People assume that someone else’s (made-up) opinions of them is somehow more important than their own personal desires, or sacred calling.
Care somewhatabout other peoples opinions of you and your choices, but not too much.
Because on the other side of not caring too much is this little thing called FREEDOM.
Which feels…oh so good.
In Summary: 3 Things to Stop Doing
1) STOP using the word “should“. Replace it with “I CHOOSE…”
2) STOP exaggerating, especially the ‘negative’ stuff in your life.
3) STOP caring too much about other peoples opinions of you and your choices.
My Parting Words
Again, simple stuff, but in my experience personally and working with others, it is the little shifts that can lead to major change.
For example, if you can wind down the emotional intensity of a situation by not exaggerating and being boringly realistic, you might have energy left over to truly tap into your creativity and manifest a result that far surpasses what you imagined was possible.
Also, when it comes to ‘stopping‘ something, it is invariably beneficial to replace it with a better choice.
Just like if we replace “I should”, with “I choose”.
Same energy.
Even the same number of letters.
But a VASTLY different internal and external experience.
So enjoy playing with these three (impactful) suggestions.
And have a mindful day and superb week where you pay attention to the little things you could stop doing, which would have the greatest possible positive impact on your joy levels.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“Care somewhatabout other peoples opinions of you and your choices, but not too much.” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
