I often start off an article with a thought, and then a statement, that this article will be short.
I am often wrong, but today I think it will be.
And I am not even going to ask you to put your hands up if you want to know ways to have less stress, because that is pretty much rhetoric statement and I won’t waste your time.
One of my favourite words when I was introduced to, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), was the word “catastrophizing“.
Such a cool word, and it so aptly sums up the situation when someone starts imaging a fairly garden variety problem, but then spins into in a Goliathan issue that is going to lead to them dying, or losing their house, or having their partner leave them, or losing their (very secure) job.
It is out-of-control worst-case planning and is not useful, plus causes HEAPS of stress.
But that is not what I want to talk about today when it comes to the CBT spectrum.
The ‘condition’ I want to talk about is more subtle, but just as stress inducing.
When time is against us
Which do you prefer (again this is pretty much rhetorical, but I am going go there anyway) out of these two choices?
A sore foot that last for a short time, or a sore foot that lasts for a long time?
Unless I have a bunch of sadomasochists reading my work, which I don’t think is the case, we all prefer a sore foot for a short time.
The longer a pain is going to persist, the less pleasant it is.
And this equally applies for psychological pain – which we might call stress and which each of us is familiar with.
Which brings us to the crux of this Tip.
And another favourite word of mine: “permanence“.
It relates to how permanent we “think” something is going to be.
If we “think” something uncomfortable or challenging will last a short time, it is less bother, and causes us less stress.
HOWEVER, if we “think” something uncomfortable will last a LONG time (or very long time, or forever), it is much more likely to stress the begeezus out of us.
Did you note how I kept putting air quotes around “think”?
There is a VERY GOOD reason for that.
If you have a thinking or mindset habit of IMAGINING (meaning not real) that the “bad” things showing up in your life are going to happen a lot, or worse case happen forever, you are more likely to feel more sh#t, and more stressed out.
If you “think” a problem will last a REALLY LONG time or FOREVER (contrary to evidence or a highly accurate crystal ball), you are more likely to be miserable, stressed, and stuck in a feeling of uncertainty.
Now here is a relatable (and real-world) example:
You move into a new house and there is a very loud house party going bonkers, about 50m away, which they don’t wrap up until 2am in the morning.
If you automatically (habitually) think these parties are going to happen a lot or all the time you are going to make yourself super stressed out, and again firmly plunk yourself into a feeling of uncertainty, because you will likely be ruminating on “when will it happen next?”.
The Solution
Don’t make stuff up to be worse than it is because that induces more stress.
Without knowing with 100% certainty, don’t imagine or assume that something bad will last for a really long time or forever.
Do some fact-finding to determine what the REALITY is.
Consider putting on your optimism hat and considering the possibility that something may not happen a lot, or for a long time, or all the time, which will make you less stressed and is likely more in touch with reality (plus is the ideal mindset to be in when figuring out solutions – if you have to).
Identify (now) if this is a “habit” you personally have (or might express often); because once you are AWARE of it, you can start working on breaking the sub-optimal thinking habit.
In Summary
This article was kinda short.
Doing the permanence thinking habit is a subtle habit that most people may be unaware of, but has a significant negative impact when it comes to stress.
When we get fixated on IMAGINING bad things – regardless of if they are true or not – it makes us feel worse and stressed.
If we imagine bad things will happen a lot, or for a long time, or forever, it increases our stress levels (guaranteed).
My Parting Words
The 2am loud party, 50m from our new house was a real example, when we moved into a Balinese village.
My partner (Ferry) was knackered after doing the whole house move (i.e. already stressed), and has a wee bit of a habit of doing the permanence thing (don’t tell her I told you ;-)), so she was super stressed out about ‘whether this stuff is going to happen all the time’.
I on the other hand was not so surprised by the celebrations, as there was a particular festive period on the Balinese calendar at the time.
So I didn’t enjoy the late, loud night; but I was not that stressed out.
It turned out we were close to the community centre (40m), and they did have an old-school PA system with speakers pointed in our direction, where noise was a real issue.
St then we undertook a two-pronged approach:
1. We complained about the excessively loud noise via the PA system at odd hours. Which after we complained a number of locals in the vicinity did the same thing (they just needed someone to go first and put the target on their back).
2. When building our main house we have over-engineered the bedroom to be soundproof (now call ‘the bunker’), so I am okay regardless of what happens outside.
My point is that if I stay in permanence thinking, I remain stressed, and therefore cannot come up with creative solutions.
Got it? I know you have.
You job is to identify if you do permanence thinking (a little or a lot), and then to change the habit to something more real and useful.
Have a super day of right-thinking, and a glorious week where you don’t make sh#t up.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“When we get fixated on IMAGINING bad things – regardless of if they are true or not – it makes us feel worse and more stressed.“ Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
