Don’t be thinking this applies only to those who self-identify as a perfectionist.
I personally don’t think of myself as a perfectionist, but I am sure at times I hang out on the spectrum.
So…
This might actually also apply to you.
In fact, the angle I want to approach the topic today is the more subtle practice of perfectionism, which is very likely to apply to most of us.
Let’s see what we can uncover together.
Finding the “perfect” X, Y or Z
Here are two examples I have observed of late that most clearly highlight the limitations of trying to find the “perfect” something:
1) Finding the “PERFECT” intimate partner, and
2) Finding the “PERFECT” place to live.
I have had a lot of experience of late trying to find the ‘perfect’ place to live.
And my experience is this:
It (the perfect place to live) doesn’t actually exist.
If you want the perfect house, with the perfect view, perfect neighbours, perfect neighbourhood, perfect access to cafes / restaurants, perfect level of silence, perfect schools, in the perfect country, with perfect weather, etc., etc., etc., I believe you (and I) are sh#t out of luck!
The perfect place to live does not exist.
I think that instead of trying to find the “perfect” place to live, you need to find a GREAT place to live, and acknowledge that you might have to incorporate different things into your plan, in order to create the collective ‘perfect’ life experience.
It is the same as trying to find the “perfect” intimate partner.
If you want to find someone that is the everything for you, you are likely to be looking until you are old and grey (and as an old grey person, that might even add an extra layer of complexity to the search, though reduced vision and hearing might also be in your favour! ;-)).
It is unlikely we will find a partner who satisfies all of our needs.
Someone who is the perfect…friend, lover, confident, problem-solver, conversationalist, surfing buddy, hiking buddy, movie buddy, intellectualist, empath, etc..
The best bet is to find someone who is GREAT (i.e. someone who ticks most of your ‘essentials’).
Someone who lights you up emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.
But, acknowledging you might have to include other people in your life, to fill the role your intimate partner cannot fill – which is totally okay and not a reflection of a ‘incomplete‘ choice.
(As an aside, you might also benefit greatly from having someone outside of your relationship who you air your personal ‘problems’ with, so you don’t wear your partner down, which also provides people like me with a source of income and reason for being ;-)).
Going beyond my examples of the perfect place or a person, are there some decisions you are unable to make – in any other area of your life – because you are not willing to settle for anything less than perfect?
My Solution
It’s a simple one.
Aim for “GREAT”, not “perfect”.
Because by pursuing perfect you might just be making life way harder than it needs to be, and you might also be setting yourself up to be chasing “unicorns” for the rest of your life.
The other thing is if you “expect” to find a “Perfect” something (or anything), you are very likely to be disappointed a lot more of the time.
And who wants that?
Footnote: I am not saying to settle for less, or less than you deserve, or any of that stuff. I still want you to aim for the stars, but don’t do it in an unhealthy or unhelpful way.
In Summary
I am not sure if the “perfect” anything actually exists as a singular entity.
You might get closer to perfect, by a number of different parts being merged (and maybe the sum of their parts is greater than the whole ;-)).
Recalibrate the search, by switching out “perfect” for “GREAT“.
And finally…good luck. 😉
My Parting Words
Most of us know the “pursuit of perfect” is likely to end in tears.
It can also be hugely stressful, and may even be a precursor for burnout.
So maybe we create something that is close to perfect by bringing the sum of a number of parts together in a creative way.
Especially when it comes to crafting our lives.
Is there an area in your life where the ‘perfectionism’ thing is creeping in, especially just below the radar?
Have you got a part of your life, or a goal, which just seems to slip through your fingers, time and time again?
Is it the result of the perfectionismthing (also known as: unrealistic expectations)?
In what area of your life could you lower the bar (even just a little) to invite in more opportunity?
I am just asking. 😉
Have a glorious day and a week where you explore any areas where you think you might be letting perfectionism limit your possibilities.
Take care.
Carl
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet, which is available everywhere? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
PPS: To read more of my tips, tools and strategies, visit my BLOG here.
PPPS: Please reach out anytime and let me know if you any questions or requested topics, or you need a helping hand with a significant change (or some beliefs / stories challenged). And please SHARE or FORWARD this article to friends and family, if you think it might help.
Quotable QUOTE:
“I am not sure if the “perfect” anything actually exists as a singular entity. So recalibrate the search, by switching out ‘perfect’ for ‘GREAT’.” Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
