Carl Massy

While I was in Australia (Mildura) last week, I did a presentation (and a number of coaching sessions) where I asked people to raise their hands if they liked to lose. 

You know what? 

Funnily enough, no one raised their hands.

Though one person did suggest that it depends on the context. 

Well noted.  

But for this conversation, let’s assume that the vast majority of people don’t like to lose at things that they care about (they would prefer to WIN). 

And one of the most important games – from my perspective – is this thing called “The Game of Life“. 

I personally have somewhat of an aversion to losing. 

I prefer to WIN at the things that are most important to me. 

Like great relationships, optimum health, meaningful work, or having a LOT more elevated emotional experiences (joy, awe, excitement, enthusiasm, love, etc.) than survival emotions (anger, frustration, fear, doubt, etc.).

I much prefer when things go in my favour. 

And do you know what makes a lot of difference in the outcome?

Whether I am “WINGING IT” (and hoping it all works out in my favour) or whether I OWN IT and roll my sleeves up to do the (right) work.  

If we expect things to work in our favour – like high vitality and health – but we just wing it, the chances of winning are greatly reduced. 

The odds might be a 50 / 50 or even worse. 

Hence why we are going to briefly talk about hamsters and helicopters today.  

Last week I was interviewed for a Podcast by Beth Martens – the author of the GREAT book ‘Journey‘ – which she calls ‘King Hero Interviews’.

It was great to be invited to the conversation and yes I also had to brush up on my King Hero persona beforehand.

I also did not get the topic of discussion ‘Navigating Complex Relationships‘ until about 18 hours before the call, of which were 8hrs of sleep. 

So I was interested in where the conversation would go. 

Beth was also quite vocal about her views over the last few years, so I knew she would be asking me some very specific questions about my thoughts around health measures, government over reach, suspect ‘science’, the state of the world, polarization and where I thought we were heading in the future. 

In the end, complex relationships turned out to be a great topic to explore. 

How do we manage complex relationships, when there may be (very) polarizing beliefs that challenge the fabric and durability of many relationships – intimate, familial, friends, and even work colleagues? 

So we dived in (for almost 2hrs) and these are some of the key things that came to mind for me.     

A lot of people mean well when they are passing on ‘self-help’ teachings. 

But like ‘Chinese Whispers’, through the retelling the actual teaching can become distorted to a point where it eventually becomes incorrect. 

This is one of the reasons why I like the yoga taught at The Practice in Bali. 

Octavio has put a lot of time, energy and effort (20+ years) into trying to best understand the traditional teachings, which were trialed, tested, and replicated over 1000’s of years. 

Most people don’t realise the traditional teachings of yoga are more about creating an elevated ‘mind’ as opposed to a flexible body. 

So today I want to talk about another ‘teaching’ that has been mistaught. 

A few years ago I was hanging out with an Army buddy, at his modest but epic vineyard in the Barossa Valley, where he was creating amazing wine. 

He was also so deeply immersed and knowledgeable in the process of wine making from the bottom up (the soil, plants, seasons, weeds, etc.), I was in awe. 

This buddy also had some PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) issues he was working through. 

One of the things I shared with him, was to consider solving ‘life’ issues (that were causing stress), by directing his attention the land and the vines – which he knows so intimately – and see how nature deals with similar ‘issues’.

This helps connect to the now, get out of a story, and see what the ‘reality’ is of the life cycle.  

Like being reminded that you cannot control everything, like the weather, for example.

There are so many lessons that Nature shares, which can be applied to day-to-day life. 

So the other day, as I was wandering around our lawn and pulling weeds, I had this thought… 

This article is a continuation on a conversation we had a few weeks ago. 

Where I talked about ‘Daring to Suck‘ and told you of my escapades on our (mini) Asian farm, and my efforts as a stool maker. 

My efforts were pretty shabby – to say the least. 

Especially when the other day we were watching a17-year-old, Asian single mother, build a pretty kick-arse kitchen from scratch, with stuff she foraged in the land around her (bamboo, rocks, clay, palm fronds for the roof, etc.). There are some epic builders out there, and I am not one of them. 

So today the farm adventures continue, and the learning that goes with it, in the form of on-going conversation around the whole ‘sucking’ theme.

Even though I suggest it is okay to ‘dare to suck‘ I realised there is more to the story that needs articulation. 

After all, my deeper desire for you, is to not only teach how to make much better decisions when it comes to ‘getting sh#t done‘, but also how to ENJOY yourself along the way. 

Life is definitely not just about getting stuff done. 

We want to enjoy the heck out of it too. 

So here goes. 

I know this.

You know this. 

But is bares repeating, to both our conscious and unconscious minds. 

As you may or may not know if you are new to my newsletters, my partner and I have been planning a move to a more ‘farm-like’ living experience. 

The plan is to grow a bunch of our own food, spend more time with our hands in the soil, and have a bit more space to swing the proverbial cat if we need to (and yes, that is a terrible saying. 

Also when I say ‘space’ in Asia, it is very different to the 20,000+ acre properties that are pretty common in parts of Australia. 

But, back to the main point I want to make. 

A handful of days ago we had finalised the sale of our house, and were all set to move into the Farm and a bit of Tiny House living (while we build the main house). 

Part of the move included wrapping up the sale, dealing with (Indonesian) banks, notary’s, moving stuff, giving stuff away, rediverting deliveries delivery to a new address (which is not really ‘officially recorded), etc..

In summary, by the time we were ready to move in, we were totally beat, knackered, drained, etc. (you get the picture). 

Which brings me to today’s reminder.  

Today’s article is inspired by a recent client conversation. 

To be more ‘specific’, it was about their wife. 

Their wife had spent the last couple of days in bed, and was feeling pretty crook and miserable. 

We’ve all been there ourselves no doubts. 

His wife had also just been the director, producer, and creator of a major school production, which had 19 different acts, and included three separate performances over a few days. 

It was an epic performance by all accounts. 

And knowing the multiple day event experience like I do – having consulted and worked on four Olympics Games and mega sporting events – I know full well what it is like when you finally get the event over the line. 

Have you ever had one of those ‘bad days’? 

Of course you have. 

And then that ‘bad day’ turns into ANOTHER bad day. 

Which is followed by another ‘bad’ day of feeling off your game. 

And before you know it you are in a bit of a slump and left spinning your wheels, with a lingering sense of unease or overwhelm or anxiousness or apathy.

Can you relate?

I am sure you know what I’m talking about.

The truth is that I have had a bit of that antipathy for life feeling (aka: a ‘blah’ feeling) going on for a bunch of days, and now I have decided that it needs to stop. 

Enough is enough. 

So…what to do? 

This is where we are going today. 

I thought today I would write about thinking. 

Covering the whole spectrum.

For me, today, I was doing the OVER thinking thing.

Which is probably the one I am most often grappling with (aka: the one that needs my attention).

My OVER thinking today was actually in regards to what I would write for you.

Ha ha ha.

I was asking myself how I could best serve you today?

And my mind was spinning in over-drive. 

And yes, there is an upside.

Actually I wasn’t sure if I would be able to present this article now, as I was not sure if my carpentry project was going to make it across the line.

But let’s start with a bit of background and context.

My dad was a manual arts teacher, who did an electrical trade at a sugar mill in far north Queensland.

My brother also did an electrical trade at a sugar mill in Bundaberg, plus when we were growing up, he was forever tinkering with motorbikes and the likes.

Me; I was playing a different game