Don’t be thinking this applies only to those who self-identify as a perfectionist.
I personally don’t think of myself as a perfectionist, but I am sure at times I hang out on the spectrum.
So…
This might actually also apply to you.
In fact, the angle I want to approach the topic today is the more subtle practice of perfectionism, which is very likely to apply to most of us.
Let’s see what we can uncover together.
I notice I generally get less bothered than others, and for less periods of time, when things go to poop.
When life throws us a proverbial (and inevitable) “curve ball”.
Or crash tackles us, pulls the rug out from under us, clubs us over the head, kicks us between the legs, etc..
Feel free to choose the descriptor which works best for you.
Unfortunately, none of us get a free pass on having “challenges” in our lives.
But here is the thing.
I experience less disruption or discomfort when things f#ck up, BUT is not by chance, or some “lucky” gene I was granted.
There are certain actions I take, habits I have learned, and strategies I enact, which allow me to stay calmer when stuff in my life doesn’t go my way.
Today, I want to share one of the things I have in my ‘bag of tricks’.
I am sure you already know LOTS of things the so called “experts” get wrong.
I hear you (and agree).
Today I am going to focus on one thing that bugs me a bit, because it gives people the wrong impression of themselves and stops them being as awesome as they have the potential to be.
My goal in life is to help people (and myself) become better humans – full to the brim of awesomeness.
And an important part of people being able to flex their true potential awesomeness is having the energy and health to do so.
Which brings us to today’s insight.
And something that I get fired up about – so I will do my best not to come across as a preachy evangelist, promising you a quick trip to the fires of hell if you don’t believe and agree with everything I say.
Let me just share my thoughts and observations (which I have built up over 26 years).
Firstly, I believe this about you and about me.
Our bodies and minds are freakishly intelligent (and can do stuff even the smartest amongst us can only guess at the ‘how’).
Our brains, and entire beings, are wired to be constantly learning, adapting, evolving, and figuring out how to live in harmony (symbiosis) with the environment, as it inevitably changes.
Our species has been doing this for 100’s of 1000’s of years.
And there are biological parts of us, which have probably been doing the figuring out stuff (i.e. evolving) for millions of years.
My first point: Mine and your body are not stupid.
They do not knowingly make mistakes.
Let me also add two other things to help set the scene…
Okay, let’s start with the hands up thing?
Who thinks resentment is a good feeling, or healthy emotion, especially when it comes to making wise decisions?
No one, is my guess.
If resentment was a fuel, it is the equivalent of kerosene.
Trying to use kerosene in a high-performance car (the metaphoric ‘you’) and expecting it to perform optimally, is just not going to happen.
So resentment is like ‘kerosene’ and it is no one’s “fuel of choice”.
Unfortunately…
…many people don’t KNOWINGLY choose it, but by doing certain things in certain ways (bad habits), the END RESULT is they ARE using ‘kerosene as their fuel.
It’s time to change that, and here is how.
First, let me say, I am a HUGE fan of the ‘Personal Development’ space.
It provides so many insights, practical strategies and practices, which make an enormous difference in peoples lives.
Helping people become more, do more and achieve more of what they actually want in their lives.
It’s teachings definitely leads to higher levels of self-actualization and lower levels of stress, so it is a great collection of knowledge and shared experience.
However…
There is a teaching which I think can do more harm than good.
Let me just lay it out there, and then I will share with you why I believe this to be so.
The teaching I think has been misrepresented and misinterpreted, is that the GOAL of all this “work” is to be HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
People believe they are not succeeding in their quest, if they are not happy all the time.
This messaging is obviously not helped by the media (in all its forms).
The message being there is something wrong, broken or missing if we are not ‘happy’ 24/7.
Being happy ALL THE TIME is not the goal.
And I don’t believe it was ever the goal or teaching of traditional masters, whether that was from Eastern, Western or Middle Eastern teachings.
Let’s go deeper, and see how this message misses the mark (by a country mile).
One of the key components of Wisdom-in-Action is “knowledge“.
KNOWLEDGE + Experience + Consciousness = WISDOM in Action.
Today, I thought I would share 8 interesting, insightful, and sometimes controversial things, which have an impact on us all – especially if we don’t know about them.
Some you might know, but it is unlikely you are aware of them all.
So, without further ado, let’s jump straight into Number 1 (and no, these are not in a priority order of impact).
I often start off an article with a thought, and then a statement, that this article will be short.
I am often wrong, but today I think it will be.
And I am not even going to ask you to put your hands up if you want to know ways to have less stress, because that is pretty much rhetoric statement and I won’t waste your time.
One of my favourite words when I was introduced to, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), was the word “catastrophizing“.
Such a cool word, and it so aptly sums up the situation when someone starts imaging a fairly garden variety problem, but then spins into in a Goliathan issue that is going to lead to them dying, or losing their house, or having their partner leave them, or losing their (very secure) job.
It is out-of-control worst-case planning and is not useful, plus causes HEAPS of stress.
But that is not what I want to talk about today when it comes to the CBT spectrum.
The ‘condition’ I want to talk about is more subtle, but just as stress inducing.
Firstly, I am a fan of “mistakes” being part of the learning process.
I am also a fan of learning by our mistakes, so we can grow into more awesome human beings.
But when it comes to “mistakes” there are some that are more impactful than others.
And the “mistake” I want to talk about today, is one that if you do it, it is definitely going to make your life a bunch harder, and perhaps even a bit more miserable.
None of us really need more of that, do we?
I certainly don’t.
If you have followed my work for awhile, you know I am HUGE on nailing this decision-making thing.
And the reason is simple.
Decisions – good or totally crap – shape our entire life experience and outcomes.
If you make poor lifestyle decisions, poor food choices, poor friendship choices, poor habit choices, poor scheduling choices, poor reactional choices, then that stuff is going to have a SIGNIFICANT impact on your happiness, health, wealth and vitality.
Decisions matter.
They shape our Destiny.
So…wouldn’t it be a REALLY GOOD idea to get much better at it???
To be a 3-Dimensional (3D) Decision-Maker, as opposed to a 1-dimensional (1D) decision-maker.
Or even a 3D decision-maker, versus a 2D decision-maker.
Let me show you how to be a 3D Decision-Maker, so you make better decisions, and have a greater life and a more inspired Destiny.
We started the year pretty easy with some simple tips on the DO’s and DON’Ts.
So are you now ready to go deeper?
Of course that is rhetoric, because I know that you are.
Otherwise you would have left me and my musings long ago.
Today’s article is inspired by a recent coaching client (45-years of age) and a deeper conversation about their parents, including their influence on their behaviours, even decades after ‘leaving the nest‘.
As a caveat, I acknowledge that some people have had some truly distressing, harmful and abusive experiences with their parents and upbringing, and if that is the case, then tread lightly through this discussion, plus I encourage you to seek professional support to process the deeper stuff.
My approach to this topic, and life in general, begins with a core belief that “life is for me and not against me” and that “everything (regardless of how discomfortable, unfair, or awful it was or is) is a potential opportunity to learn something new and to grow from that insight”.
With that lens of perception in place, let’s see where this takes us.
However, I know you are committed to doing the things that make your life more joyful, easeful, and less hard, so I know you are on board.
Here goes.