I imagine that you mostly agree with the statement that what we DO and DON’T do have a huge impact on the results we get in life. I have spent the last 20 years on a search for the DO’s and DON’Ts when it comes to increasing our happiness, health and success.
So today I am going to focus on what the successful people (the happy, healthy and fulfilled people) DON’T make a habit of doing.
Are you ready, because here we go…
I remember hearing Tony Robbins one time say that ‘the quality of your life is directly proportional to the quality of relationships you have in your life’. I think there may be something in that.In my book The Guidebook to Authentic Success, I also say teach that one of the keys to feeling truly successful is ensuring that you take time to develop and work on high quality relationships. So in the recent Life Masterclass, I decided to add a section on Relationships – and in particular intimate relationships. Having said that, much of the same rules apply across all relationships.
So let’s jump straight into my Top 5 Relationship Tips, which are not in any priority order. And most of them are really simple – but don’t mistake simple or little for ‘unimportant’ if you want a high quality relationship.
Have you heard me say before that ‘motivation is the fuel that you need to keep on feeding’? I tell my clients that with motivation it is like needing to keep kicking your own arse. It can get stuff done, but it is not the most effective source of fuel in my opinion.
So when I hear people say they lack motivation, or want more motivation, or they are looking for the way to increase their motivation, I like to suggest a different approach.
One that I will share with you very shortly.
But first we will need to talk about six basic human needs, plus what my favourite neuroscientist has to say, and then we will dip into 1000’s of years of ancient wisdom.
Are you ready?!?!
I call myself an expert ‘strategist’.
I spent 14 years as an officer in the army and then 5 years consulting to Olympic Games and mega events. I am not saying this to toot my trumpet, but to let you know that I like to be really strategic about stacking things in my favour so I get the BEST and BIGGEST results.
When it comes to TRANSFORMATION (becoming someone even greater, so you create something you have not created before) I want to consider all of the areas that are going to have the greatest return on investment (ROI).
I am not naive to think I can remove the ‘work’, but if I am going to do the work, I want to make sure I am working on the stuff that really matters. The things that have a bigger ROI compared to the effort you put in.
Thus I look to see exactly what can I do, to positively influence these three main areas:
Let’s have a look at each of them separately shall we.
I guess the question that might precede the question in the title of today’s musings and Happiness Tips is this:
Do you know what your primary VALUES are?
Do you REALLY know? (beyond the 23 second guess you might be inclined to do)
You might also be reflecting back to me, “Why is this an important question to commit my precious time and brain power to?”
Let me answer you question about why it is vitally important to understand what our primary and most important values are.
It’s actually simple.
Before I step over the line and move into a new year or a new chapter, I thought I would look back over the last 49 years and see what are the 6 best things pieces of wisdom I would take with me into 2019.
This was a powerful question I asked myself:”If I could only take 6 pieces of wisdom (or strategies) with me into 2019 what would they be?”
Tough question! But I will give it a shot.
Here goes…
As usual I like to write about the things that are most relevant or most common with the different clients I have been working with over the last few weeks.The theme that has been most common is how to have a work / life balance, but more importantly, how they can sustain a joyful life over the long term.
It seems that everyone is in a rush. Sound familiar?
And it seems that the rushing thing is not sustainable if you actually want to enjoy your life at the same time as creating something great, or doing great or becoming great; and not fall over in a heap of fatigue, illness or burn out.
Hands up if you would actually like to enjoy this life thing more?
If you are in a rush, I am guessing that the enJOYment factor is not even close to the 10 out of 10 possibility. You are probably barely even getting a pass at 5 out of 10 on a daily basis. That sort of sucks a bit.
I have been busy of late doing coaching sessions and regardless of how many sessions I do, with how many different people – from completely diverse backgrounds – I am forever reminded about how the little things can have so much impact on how we experience life.
A few little things can make the difference between ease and grace or pain and frustration.
Let me share a profound revelation with one of the amazing people I had the pleasure of working with recently. This person is very successful in their chosen profession, but probably suffers more than they need to (or would like to) in their professional and personal life.
When I started asking questions, listening intently and exploring more deeply some of my suspicions, I saw a combination of three factors that individually are probably not a big deal, but mixed together in the right combination, they become a major pain in the butt and a source of way too much stress.
A little stress is ok. And maybe sometimes a big bit of stress is ok. But it is not ok if we have a high level of stress for an extended period of time. That leads to unhappiness, a sense of powerlessness and inevitably, health issues.
I think believe this concept to be simple.
I often think I am going to write a short newsletter, or tell you I am, but it rarely happens. So today might be a first for me, as my revelation was pretty damn simple (it happened in seconds).
Here is the background…
For a lot of clients I work with, a major thing on their shopping list of ‘Things I Want in My Life‘ is CONFIDENCE. “How can I have more confidence?” is a common question I am asked.