Let’s jump straight in.
Have you ever heard the following statement or philosophy?
The size of the GAP between the REALITY and your EXPECTATIONS, determines the amount of discomfort (frustration, anger, disappointment, etc.) you will experience.
As shown in my diagram further down.
Small GAP = small discomfort.
BIG GAP = BIG (emotional) PAIN. So today I want to look at the biggest EXPECTATION Boo-Boo’s (aka: mistakes) many people erroneously make.
I spoke about HABITS the other day.
Plus last week I spoke about the relationship between Goals and Process, as the authors of Tiny Habits and Atomic habits shared the same pint of view.
I also mentioned I would do a deeper overview of the book Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, which I read recently.
It really is a great book (strategically) plus ol’ BJ, who is a Standford professor, is not writing to impress people with his literary skills, but is actually passionate about serving other people.
It is great to see an academic who is more interested in the impact of his work, than academic accolades.
Thanks BJ!!
Essentially, there are a few BIG points to takeaway from his book and decades of practical application.
The other day I was in a funky local cafe.
And part of their cool vibe was having paperback books you could read while hanging out there.
I spotted one of my fave books so I picked it up and flipped it open.
It was Atomic Habits by James Clear (and exceptionally great book).
I started reading the section that I had randomly flicked it open to and started to chuckle to myself.
I LOVE synchronicity and coincidence (which I consider means my alignment is good).
The reason I chuckled is because I was reading a book on my Kindle earlier in the day by Scott Adams (the creator of the Dilbert comic strips), and he not only mentioned the same thing, but referenced back to James Clear and Atomic Habits as another person that agrees with this concept.
Therefore, I took that as a nudge that I need to share their insights and observations with you.
So here we go.
The title may be a little misleading.
I was actually not thinking of step 1, step 2, and step 3.
But rather, Level 1, Level 2 and Level 3, when it comes to getting more CLARITY.
And in this case, the levels also refer to the size of the ‘problem’ or issues, or the size of the consequences of the decisions you have to make.
Let’s think of it like this:
Level 1 – A problem or decision to solve or figure out, but that is not too big or high in consequences.
Level 2 – The problem or decisions is a bigger, or more complex, and has more consequences if you “F” it up.
Level 3 – This is where the decisions you are making are complex, there numerous overlapping parts, and possibly a shortage of resources, so you need to be extra creative, plus the consequences of “F’ing it up” are pretty high (and potentially a huge pain in the butt and maybe even a potential financial loss).
So I see that these three levels of “challenge” require three different ENVIRONMENTS to enhance the probability of me solving it to the best of my ability.
I also like to use the metaphor of ‘stepping back’.
Level 1 = small step back.
Level 2 = medium size step backwards.
Level 3 = a big step backwards to allow the greatest level of perspective.
Who likes easy?
I know hard is where we build up our muscles.
BUT I do like the idea of a mix of easy, hard, and very little harder-than-it-NEEDS-to-be.
Life doesn’t have to be all about hard, sweaty, and grunts and groans for us to be succeeding.
Let’s sprinkle in a bit of easy with today’s tip on boosting our mood.
You know I am a fan of the idea that we can actually (self) create an elevated emotion state in our bodies, which causes a specific set of neuro-chemicals and hormones to be released throughout the body.
Re-enforcing the created feeling and supporting our overall health and well-being.
I want to take that concept, and a concept I read recently in a book by a Stanford behavioural scientist – BJ Fogg – called Tiny Habits (which I will review for you in a couple of weeks when I finish it).
Firstly, the ESP is not (exactly) extra sensory perception, though perhaps there is some of that still going on.
Secondly, it is thanks to a client conversation the other day for the creation of this tool.
Or more, the synthesizing of a few different tools into one.
The idea came after seeing the usual pattern when we have a PROBLEM show up in our lives.
The usual flow looks like this:
Problem > Trigger > REACTION > Emotional Explosion (big or small) > Trying to solve problem > OUTCOME
One of the major downsides of this is the OUTCOME.
Which is actually the most important bit.
Usually the outcome – using this pathway – is that it “might” be okay in the short-term, but is very unlikely to be useful or appropriate over the long-term.
The reason is that when we are in a survival emotional state (which this sets up), we have limited access to the frontal cortex of our brain, which is where we ENVISION (realistic) future consequences of our choices.
We are in short-term survival mode.
Not ‘making-choices-to-shape-your-greatest-destiny’ mode.
So we need to INTERRUPT the pattern.
This is where our ESP Tool comes in.
I have a sneaking suspicion you know where this is going.
And before we go there.
I want you to know this.
I care about you.
I want the very best for you.
I write because I love learning, teaching and sharing, but I also LOVE to help people have more joy, fun and happiness in their lives.
That’s pretty much my job.
Whether I am writing, presenting to an audience or coaching.
I want people to express their full potential in a way that is unique to them.
So, with that said, let’s see if we can get to where I want to take us.
When I was growing up in a country town in Australia, I would watch a show called ‘Playschool’.
And one of the tunes I can still hear in my head, 40+ years later is something like this…
For over 16 years I have been Coaching.
Essentially helping people get from where they are to where they want to be.
And figuring out what is in their way.
That is, what might be their greatest obstacles.
Real and PERCEIVED.
Is the obstacle a poor understanding of what they want?
Are they unclear of where they are starting from (i.e. don’t ‘know thyself’ so well)?
Is there a skill gap?
Etc.
Of all the things that disrupt people from navigating life in a meaningful, fulfilling and joyful way, something keeps showing up as numero uno Root Cause of Trouble (with a capital ‘T’) in our lives.
This article and insight is inspired by time spent in the kitchen the other day.
I was in the kitchen the other day with my partner Ferry (who happens to be an awesome cook).
She said something that got me thinking.
And brought us to today’s conversation.
A conversation which includes politicians, fraudsters, hypnotherapists and probably we could put a 4-year old into the mix as well.
The thing that happened with Ferry in the kitchen was this…
It was a very simple comment.
Ferry said: “Can you put some water into the kettle?” (I am pretty sure she did not say please).
As I went about this chore I am thinking exactly how much water is ‘some’?
“Some” is pretty non-descriptive.
It’s a pretty broad generalization.
Do I put in a teaspoon, a tablespoon, a half cup, a full cup, a couple of cups??
I have no clue.
I was listening to someone complain the other day.
It made me think of another person I had heard complaining recently.
Unfortunately, that some one was ME.
Bugger!
But it generated a great train of thought, as it lead me to this insight.
Something I sort of knew but glossed over in the whole living life thing.
The other person (who kicked off my thinking) was complaining about how something didn’t work out exactly as they planned.
And had the hump on because of that.
Something they ‘expected’ to happen, did not happen.
And their response was to get narky.
Fair enough.
But consider this…
If everything comes to pass that you expect to come to pass, HOW FRIGGIN BORING would your life be?