by Lynda Bayada
Have you ever been so far into a project and seemed to be knocked so many times that you just don’t think you’ll ever find it within yourself to get back up again? It is here, right here, that you MUST get up. My business partner and I recently received many knocks whilst getting our business off the ground. Sometimes these knocks come in the form of minor technology issues. Sometimes they come in the form of budgets and money, or lack thereof. Sometimes, perhaps oftentimes, they come in the form of people.
Along the way to realising your dream and making your commitment to the path you really believe you’re supposed to follow on this Earth, there are always the naysayers. Naysayers are those who think they have good advice for you but in actual fact, carry with them such pessimistic views and the need to share those that you feel the life has actually been sucked out of you upon leaving them.
You know the ones.
The ones who are telling you, ‘You should do this instead… ‘ or ‘What are you doing that for?’ or ‘I don’t’ like that, do something else’ or, my favourite, ‘Are you sure about this?’
OR, what about the ones who don’t say a thing but take your action as a personal threat to what they’re not achieving or doing in their life and smile through gritted teeth.
The reality is, at the end of the day, naysayers are usually those who don’t like you to change OR they see fault in you when really, they find fault within themselves.
Naysayers are comfortable with the person that you are- not the person that you are becoming or wish to become. Instead of encouraging you, they will either tap gently or absolutely hammer any or all new projects on their heads. These people, your friends, colleagues, or complete strangers may have the best intentions. What they don’t realise is that they’ve got a funny way of showing it… and a deep seeded fear that you will succeed. And that in your new found success, striving for your achievements and your purpose and living your passion, you will inadvertently leave them behind.
There has been some scaremongering amongst my circle especially, that responsibilities like working 9 – 5 (or 8 – 6 as it stands these days) and taking care of the kids are far more important than following whimsical dreams.
Really? Really? Or are they their excuses?
Here, be compassionate. Open your heart. Raise their awareness by perhaps saying to them, “Thank you so much for caring this much about me to offer your advice. I will always remember this.”
You’ll do your job in getting them comfortable. The rest is up to them.
Secondly, seeing fault in others translates to fault in themselves; You may have heard this theory before- when you see something which you don’t like in others, it’s really triggering an emotional charge within yourself. There’s something bubbling and steaming below which you might not have quite gotten yourself comfortable with yet. Sometimes when people are saying these things to you, they’re really reacting to something they find uncomfortable within themselves. For example, I used to recognise arrogance in other people and absolutely seethe at it in the most passive aggressive of ways. Once I got comfortable with the fact that, hey, I can sometimes display a little of that quality myself, I didn’t seethe so much anymore. (Doesn’t everyone display a little arrogance from time to time? *wink*)
The trick here is to recognise that this is not for you or about you and merrily stick to your guns.
When all’s said and done, the naysayer is there to teach us some valuable lessons, whether we like it or not.
Here’s 6 steps to combat the Negative Nancy’s or Nigel’s of your world;
Listen – see beneath the lines of what they’re trying to tell you. Perhaps there’s a little piece of gold within their advice that you could possibly take on board? Take what you need and leave the rest.
Be graceful – have gratitude. If there’s no gold, be grateful that this person is taking enough interest in what you’re doing, whether it’s self-serving or genuine (misguided) support. It may not be the way you choose to operate, but hey, they give a sh*t.
Stop listening – if this has taught me something, it’s not to take things so personally. People don’t want to see you fail – they’re just worried that you will, which will save them embarrassment. But we all know that there is no such thing as failure, only a scuffing of the knees on the way to finding the best track forward. Little detours on the way to success, if you like. *smile*
Forge ahead – full steam! Keep going and get back up. (See second line!)
Have courage – Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be. Surround yourself with people who are only going to support you and offer you words of encouragement. This in itself takes courage. When you change, other people change. This could be a change for the better. This could be a negative change.
Have faith – Most importantly, believe in yourself. It is my personal belief that each and every soul is put on this Earth to serve in some way- to find their true purpose. Heidi and I personally believe that we are there to help others find their essence, their true passion and purpose to live in their everyday.
What happened to the Negative Nancy’s and Nigel’s of Heidi’s and my world? They’re still there. We love them. We embrace them. We sometimes smile and wave. We oftentimes poke our tongues out and have a bit of fun with them. And we mostly just keep going, comfortable in the knowledge and sheer determination that is us and what we’ve created is serving our purpose, passion and most of all, our souls.