So…
How is your patience?
If you are anything like me, then at times it is crap.
I was just talking to my partner – Ferry – about ‘having patience’ the other night, as we transit between our farm and our ‘main’ house, waiting for the sale of our ‘main’ house, before we finish building our other ‘main’ house on our farm.
I don’t like mortgages, so I need to exercise the ‘patience’ to wait for the sale of our house, which is dragging on, and on and on…
So I have spent intimate time face-to-face with the thing called patience of late and I – as always – want to figure out how I can do it better.
At first I thought you can’t ‘force’ patience.
As in, you can’t DO stuff to make ‘more’ patience.
Because it is more about surrendering, letting go, and stepping back.
BUT…
Then I sat with and went deeper to understand patience from all angles and this is what I came up with.
It’s a ‘COMBO’
There is definitely an element of FAITH when we are ‘waiting for an outcome to be made manifest’.
Life unfolds how life unfolds.
A seed requires time (and nutrients) to germinate.
You might be able to speed this up – but there is still an element of (some) time.
It is never (in this 3D physical world) instantaneous.
So we need to faith in life and that it is supporting our dreams and desires.
Then there is faith in yourself.
That you have actually done all that needs doing to get the result you want.
For instance, faith that you knew, and then remembered to, water the plants, plant them in nutritious soil, and where they get enough sunshine.
So faith in LIFE and YOURSELF.
But there is more…
In order for me to feel comfortable sitting in the metaphorical ‘waiting room’ – exercising this thing called patience – I need to know and feel comfortable that I have done all that I can do (for the things I have control of or can influence).
It is hard to sit patiently, if at the back of your mind you know you haven’t given clear directions to the person making the thing you are waiting for.
Or you haven’t put in the effort to do all you can to increase the likelihood of the thing being manifest, in the shortest period of time.
You need to know that you have done all you can do to support the outcome you desire.
So I think a bunch of times we might be IMPATIENT because we know at the back of our mind that we might have been a slacker, and not done all that we could.
That means the ‘HOW to have more patience‘ thing is a combination of this:
- Faith that life is for you and not against you (and has its own timeline).
- Faith that you are worthy to receive the thing you desire (this might require some inner work around worthiness).
- Have done all there is to do to get the result you desire (including getting the right help if needed).
- Regularly checking in (though not obsessively so) to ensure … you have done all there is to do to get the result you desire.
I also think there is other stuff we can do in the metaphorical ‘waiting room’ so we don’t lose our sh#t.
Things to do in the ‘waiting room’
This is more about what we can do to manage the inner landscape of our own being.
Here are my suggestions:
- Remember and reflect on times where things DID work out for you – especially if the timing was late, but unexpected, and happened in a way that was actually better timing than you originally planned on.
- Consider what concurrent activities you could do, while you ‘wait’ for the other outcome (sort of consciously and intelligently ‘distracting’ yourself).
- Connect in whatever way works for you, to that thing that is bigger than you (for me it is God / Source / the Divine), and exercise that feeling of faith that all is well, and all will work out – for the best – in the end. It might even be to say the Serenity Prayer.
- This is sort of like (2), but just getting on with life, and not standing still waiting for something to happen. Get moving. Do life now.
In Summary
We all get impatient at times.
Our aim is to sit in an impatient state for the shortest period of time, which I suggest is based on doing a few major things:
- Having faith that life is for you, and things will work out in the end.
- Doing all you need to do, and can do, to effect the outcome you desire.
- Getting on with the rest of life while you wait for that outcome.
Note
As with all things related to the emotions, and disproportionate emotions, it is worthwhile to look at your STORIES as they relate to your experience of the emotion of impatience. What stories are you telling yourself that is making it harder or more uncomfortable to tolerate? See my article on stories as a reminder.
My Parting word
I wrote this article to help me understand patience, and how to have more.
I wondered if there was anything I could ‘DO’ to get better with it.
And now I believe there is.
It’s a ‘COMBO’, as I suggested.
Including (as always) the inner game and the outer game.
The harder muscles to build up (in this case) are the FAITH muscles.
I am not sure if there is a quick strategy for that.
Or it’s about each of our individual journeys.
One thing that could help with building this muscle is focusing on all the things that WORKED, not all the things that didn’t.
Create a BIAS towards the ‘Life is for me’ as opposed to the ‘Life is against me’, by intention and attention.
This not only impacts the psychological muscles, but changes your biochemistry.
The feeling of ‘Life is for me’ is a very different neuro-chemical cocktail than the opposite.
And as I alluded to in the final ‘NOTE’, be conscious of your stories.
Like the one that says: “I AM (two very powerful words, which can shape reality) impatient.”
Replace that with: “In the past, I have been known to get a little ansty if things did not happen chop-chop fast, but I think I am getting better.”
What part of your patience portfolio needs tweaking?
On that note..
Spend the day and the week, getting CURIOUS about when, where and how, you might express impatience (then see where you can improve it).
Take care,
Carl
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
