I notice I generally get less bothered than others, and for less periods of time, when things go to poop.
When life throws us a proverbial (and inevitable) “curve ball”.
Or crash tackles us, pulls the rug out from under us, clubs us over the head, kicks us between the legs, etc..
Feel free to choose the descriptor which works best for you.
Unfortunately, none of us get a free pass on having “challenges” in our lives.
But here is the thing.
I experience less disruption or discomfort when things f#ck up, BUT is not by chance, or some “lucky” gene I was granted.
There are certain actions I take, habits I have learned, and strategies I enact, which allow me to stay calmer when stuff in my life doesn’t go my way.
Today, I want to share one of the things I have in my ‘bag of tricks’.
An obvious point
Regardless of where we live on this planet, and regardless of the life we have built around us, we are very likely going to have problems, hassles, issues, stuff that goes wrong, relationships that sour, scams, rip-offs, disrespectful neighbours, etc.; EVEN if we live on a lovely tropical island in Indonesia called ‘Bali’!
I don’t think anyone gets a free ticket with no issues.
Not that I have met anyway.
So the point is that I, like you, and everyone else we know, WILL have problems.
It is how we deal with them that is the difference maker in our life experience.
How to become a “SERIAL” Optimist
Today I am not just going to talk about how to become a ‘garden variety‘ optimist.
I want you to become a High-Performing SERIAL Optimist.
One of the “Secrets” is this:
Learn to tell (much) better stories.
Scott Adams (the author of the Dilbert comic strips and numerous books), has a great book called “Reframe Your Brain” and it appears that he has learned one of the same “Tricks” as me, over the course of his life.
The Trick is, when faced with a challenge or the accompanying challenging thought, to upgrade your thought (REFRAME IT) into something that feels less painful, disruptive, fatalistic, all consuming, negative and hopeless.
Here is a simple, but telling, example from Adams book:
He suggests changing a thought like “My odds of success are low” to “Maybe I am bad at estimating the odds“.
The thing I like about this example is that he doesn’t try to come up with a “life is all beautiful rainbows and gleeful unicorns” reframe; he just comes up with another potential possibility (which could be equally true), which messes with the original story you might be telling yourself.
It makes the original story less ‘Fact’ and more like, just that, a story of one possibility.
He “Flipped the script”.
He got creative.
So, my encouragement for you is to take on the role of becoming the principal screenwriter for the script of your life.
I have become proficient – through lots of practice – that I can even reframe (rewrite) the script when someone abuses me.
For example, someone might say to me: “Carl Massy you are the biggest, useless, piece of (beep), that was put on this Earth.“
The script (reframe) I DECIDE TO WRITE in order to change the energy and emotional weight of that comment, and which I then play in my mind, is something like this: “I am SO glad to be noticed and inspiring someone to such levels of passion.”
Which script do you think will make me feel annoyed, versus amused?
Becoming a SERIAL Optimist, is not about denial.
It is NOT about trying to see all of life through rose-coloured glasses.
It is about being the master of the script for your life (especially in the precious real estate of your own mind).
We want to be become even more proficient at rewriting our stories, of past or present woes, in such a way that it shifts the energy of them enough that a sliver of the light of possibility is able to shine through.
An optimist sees possibility.
A SERIAL Optimist creates (actual) new possibilities by rewriting the script.
Then acting out the new and improved scene, with new emotions, behaviours and ultimately the attainment of different results.
In Summary
“Bad” stuff happens to us all at different times in our lives.
We can deal better with this bad stuff when we are in a calm, curious, creative and optimistic state of mind.
By reviewing our inner script and seeing if there is a way we can REFRAME it so it seems less apocalyptic, it automatically changes our feelings, bevaviours and results.
A SERIAL Optimist creates “possibility” by seeing things in a different light, or from a different perspective, and then rewriting the script.
This is a learnable skill, where competency improves in direct proportion to practice.
My Parting Words
I like to deal in reality.
The reality is we all have things go wrong in our lives at different times.
The other reality is that we are more creative in generating solutions when we are less emotionally triggered.
The idea I have shared here and the actual practice of “reframing” our life script may appear too simplistic to have much of an impact.
But I can assure you, if you learn this skill and apply it like a professional script-writer (a SERIAL Optimist), the amount of time you feel crap, and the degree to which you do, will undoubtedly be less.
But don’t take my word for it.
Give it a crack yourself.
What “story” are you telling yourself today (or recently), that makes you feel a bit sh#t?
Send it back to your inner script-writer for a rewrite and see how the new storyline makes you feel.
I am going to guess, a lot better.
You are now on your way to becoming a true SERIAL Optimistic.
Welcome to the Club.
I have to make a CAVEAT at this point, for full transparency. You might piss some people off in your life when you start to become more chipper and less bothered by stuff than them. It is the price we have to pay, but a worthy transaction IMHO.
Make sense?
Have a fabulous day of reframing any negative stories or statements that come to mind, and a week of playful amusement at the wonders of life.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“By reviewing our inner script and seeing if there is a way we can REFRAME it so it seems less apocalyptic, it automatically changes our feelings, bevaviours and results.“ Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
