Firstly, I am a fan of “mistakes” being part of the learning process.
I am also a fan of learning by our mistakes, so we can grow into more awesome human beings.
But when it comes to “mistakes” there are some that are more impactful than others.
And the “mistake” I want to talk about today, is one that if you do it, it is definitely going to make your life a bunch harder, and perhaps even a bit more miserable.
None of us really need more of that, do we?
I certainly don’t.
Certainty versus Uncertainty
Some people are pretty good with uncertainty, and actually thrive on it.
They like variety and not knowing what each new day will bring.
But, that is actually not applicable to MOST people – who actually feel a whole heap more chilled out and in the joy zone, when they have a pretty high level of certainty as to what they are likely to experience in the day, and in their life.
Yes we all want a bit of variety – it being the ‘spice of life‘ and all – but too much can turn our lives into a real-life horror movie.
Too much can make our nerves and nervous system crank up to the point where we slip into anxiety, with an overactive sympathetic nervous system (SNS).
So let’s agree – in general – we mostly desire more certainty in life (maybe 70-90% depending on an individual preference), with the remainder being uncertainty in order to tick the ‘variety’ box.
In simple terms we want a bunch more certainty in our lives than uncertainty.
Which brings us to the crux of my message.
Guarantees
There are some things in life that are pretty much guaranteed to happen, regardless of our personal preferences.
If I accept these things, and put them into the “CERTAINTY” realm of my experience, it is going to make life more agreeable for me.
Let me show you what I mean.
I am guaranteed (i.e. certain) that regardless of how great my rain dance performance is, I am unlikely, personally, to change the general weather patterns. That is, I learn to be okay with accepting that the weather will be, how it will be, regardless of the tears I cry or frustration I feel.
Another thing I am guaranteed (i.e. certain) I will experience in my life is ‘problems‘.
If I go through life feeling or thinking that I don’t expect to not have problems, when they are a part of life (so we can grow and evolve), then I will be disappointed / angry / annoyed whenever a problem arises.
And a final example.
I am guaranteed (i.e. certain) that no-one on earth is going to think, believe, feel, value, or behave exactly like me. Regardless of how much I want other people to be in alignment and in agreement with me all the time. It aint likely to (ever) happen.
Here is the message:
It adds UNCERTAINTY to your life, if you fight against reality.
It actually adds CERTAINTY to your life if you add to your list things that you can be pretty certain about.
Like the weather doing what it does, problems being a part of life, and people doing things differently to you.
I might not like the rainy weather (It is tipping it down as I write this!), or problems with my motorbike, or issues with a colleague, but I am never disrupted (or shocked), because I accept that this stuff is part of life, and certain to happen along the journey.
It comes back to that great quote of Byron Katie: “When I argue with reality I lose, but only 100% of the time.”
In Summary
If we don’t accept the inevitability of elements of reality (e.g. weather, problems, and people issues), we add unnecessary uncertainty into our lives.
If we “REFRAME” these elements of reality to, “I am CERTAIN that in my life I will have problems, people conflicts / disagreements / disappointments / etc., and issues with the weather not doing what I want it to do”, then we are less shocked when they occur, and have an easier time dealing with them.
The “mistake” is not accepting certain inevitabilities.
My Parting Words
The other thing that I am ‘certain’ of, which makes life easier for me, is this:
“I am CERTAIN that I don’t know everything there is to know, so some things I think I know now are likely to be proven wrong in the future.”
At which time, I will update what I think I thought I knew.
This relaxes me a great deal.
It automatically makes it okay to be “wrong” – not because I am douchebag or incompetent or lazy – but because I only know what I know, and don’t know, what I don’t know.
One other point that just came to mind now is that if people are OVER-certain about things they don’t really have control over, they might be inclined not to prepare contingencies.
Like not having a wet-weather plan (Plan B) for that engagement party or family picnic.
Acceptance of some inevitable things in reality, adds to our levels of certainty, and at a very practical level means we are less likely to be triggered into a stress response, and more likely to have access to the problem-solving capabilities of our upper brain and mind.
A client of mine has a new mantra / belief, which he is integrating which essentially says: “I acknowledge I don’t control everything in the universe. My role is just to do my best.”
I think that is a pretty cool statement to be playing on a loop recording at the front of your mind. 🙂
Sure beats the heck out of some of the other soundtracks like: “You are not smart enough. You are not worthy. You are screwed.” 😉
So, what reality are you fighting against, which might be adding to your level of uncertainty?
And what things might you need to accept are highly-likely to happen in your life, so you skip the part where you are SHOCKED when they do happen?
Make sense?
I hope so.
Have a great day with the right percentage of certainty, and a fabulous week where you recalibrate anywhere where you are fighting reality.
Take care.
Carl
Quotable QUOTE:
“If we don’t accept the inevitability of elements of reality (e.g. weather, problems, and people issues), we add unnecessary uncertainty into our lives.“ Carl Massy
(Author of 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be)
PS: Have you read or listened to this book yet? 18 Ways We Make Life WAY Harder Than It Needs To Be
